Britain’s Teens – a sexual health crisis

The sex timebomb: A generation of girls facing infertility due to sexually transmitted diseases…

Britain has the worst sexual health in Europe – and it is teenagers who have the worst sexual health of all.

As shocking headlines hit the country on the sexual antics of our young people in the U.K. and the government tells us that children as young as 5 will receive Sex Education I thought it was time I told you my thoughts. They are simple thoughts and that is that as parents we have the responsibility to open and honest age appropriate conversations with our children.

To this end I consulted my “sexpert” Clare Hanbury and asked her to share some wisdom. And don’t forget if you want to make having “those” conversations with your teen’s easier Get a pack of our Teen Conversation Cards.

Approaches to handling sex education with your children

1. Think about your own sexual history and the sex education you received.

Here are some questions to guide you:

- Who or what were the most important sources of your sex education?

- How much did you listen to advice? How much did you ignore?

- Why did you listen to or ignore advice?

- Did you take risks? Under what circumstances?

- How are the mores of sexual behaviour different now from when you were a teenager?

- How much do you think you understand them?

- Do you think rules regarding sexual behaviour work? Did they work for you? Why/why not?

If relevant/possible, share and discuss this information with your partner/children’s father.

2. Work out your own beliefs about young people’s sexual behaviour

Here are some ideas of different beliefs to guide you:

- I believe that young people should have sex when they are over xyz age

- I believe that people should only have sex when they are in a settled and loving relationship (be clear about what this kind of a relationship means to you)

- I believe that young people must practice safer sex and use protection at all times

- If a young person has a sexual health problem they should know how to get help and treatment without informing their parents

- If a young woman becomes pregnant, I believe she should be able to see confidential advice from a health professional

- I believe that young people should not have sex before they are married

If relevant/possible, share and discuss this information with your partner/children’s father

3. Both parents need to work out and decide how to approach sex education with their children. Both parents need to be available to talk to their sons and daughters about sex and relationships.

4. It will usually be best to discuss sex and relationships with your child on a one on one basis. It is good to have discussions with your child and their siblings or friends too but these would be more general and ARE NOT ENOUGH!

5. Make your own views about sex known to your child. State your bottom lines. Take an interest in their developing friendships and relationships in a close but non-interfering way.

6. Deal carefully with a situation in which you fear that your child is doing something illegal or that jeopardises his/her health and safety such as under-age sex or a desire to attend parties (raves) where you suspect there might be some drug-taking and/or casual sex. A good relationship with your child is the best protection.

7. Answer every question your child raises about sex as honestly as you can and in language that they understand. Do not try to use teenage language it will not be cool and may feel patronising to your child. Be yourself and check for understanding.

8. Become aware of and expose your child to different sources of good information on sex and sexual health issues: reference books, stories, videos, and magazines.

9. Be aware of the details in the content of information that you child may be exposed to for example: sex education lessons at school, popular magazines that your child may be reading or the lyrics of favourite pop artists.

10. Initiate conversations about sex well before puberty (10-13), depending on the emotional and physical maturity of your child.

11. Use opportunities to start discussions about your child’s views on sex. Use stories from the news, magazines, TV soaps, song lyrics (or titles).

12. Encourage your child to challenge myths and stereotypes. For example:

- Girls in high heels and short skirts are up for it

- Boys have a higher libido than girls

- Boys cannot control themselves easily

- Boys need to experiment (sow their wild oats)

13. Ask for help from a trusted friend if you think your child is taking risks and you feel you are not getting through to them.

14. Teach your child to respect children of the opposite sex.

Show your child appreciation for their knowledge, curiosity and ability to talk about sex and relation