Your Teen still needs you

What parents need to know about their children

I read an article recently and it really got me thinking. It was about a Mum who gave up work when her children went to secondary school and what struck me so much is how opposite it is to what most parents do. She stated how she believed children needed us at this time more than ever and that smaller children were easier to look after compared to teenagers.

And she is right, most parents take a big sigh of relief when their children grow older as it feels they can let go a bit and quite often the parent withdraws, assuming the child has got most things managed by now…and that is where the challenge comes in.

They may be bigger but they are still just children, dealing with very adult thoughts and experiences and they do need you more than ever.

They need you to help them get organised, learn valuable study techniques, deal with their complex relationship issues, support them to realise their consequences, teach them about responsibility, show them how to achieve and above all help them to grow up.  All in all, they need you to show them the conditions of adulthood.

However all most parents do is move away from their children and expect them to do it all with no help, support or guidance. Worse than that, when things starts to go wrong with schoolwork or exams for example, the parents suddenly jumps in, expecting their teen to listen. If you have not guided them and supported them through their early tweens and teens, then when you suddenly jump in when things are going wrong, don’t expect them to welcome you with open arms, it just isn’t going to happen! Similarly, you have to make sure at these times in their lives that you are not interfering.

During the teen years your child changes dramatically in all ways and you need to change too, moving from a manager role to more of a coaching role. You need to learn to support, encourage and let go in ways that are beneficial to your child.

I believe there are several key pieces of information you need to know about your child, so you can support them as best you can during the teen years.

1. Learning styles and memory retention.

You need to know how you child learns and remembers information best. This will support you in making information more easy to absorb and therefore make homework quicker and more enjoyable.

2. You need to know their personality type.

This will support in solving sibling and friend issues. I use the enneagram for this, as it is an easy-to-understand tool for teens.

3. You need to know their values and what makes them tick.

When you know this you will be able to support them when things are difficult, challenging or just not going the right way for them.

I guess what I am asking you to do here is think twice before you leave your teen and expect them to manage it all themselves. They need you more than ever in the teen years. Even if you are just getting a few grunts and they do not appear interested, you have to keep going and trying.

Also, remember that teens are all for having fun, so you need to make sure you have some of that too….

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