Teens driving you mad during the Summer

Parents worry about summer costs

Six in 10 parents are worried about the cost of keeping their children busy in the school holidays, a survey suggests.

By now I can imagine that a lot of Parents In the U.K. out there already want the holidays to be over. Coaching your teenagers is most likely the furthest thing from your mind. Occupying your children and teenagers can be very challenging. So what I want to suggest is that you use this time constructively that you use it to build on your relationship in a way that is going to support you having more impact and influence on them later.

I am often asked how I manage to get teens on my side, what do I do, why do they respond to me the way they do?
This is not an easy question to answer and it has taken me years to work out what makes me different, Guess what? It isn’t coaching! Yes, coaching is a skill I have; however it is something in me that allows me to get through to teens that appear unreachable.

Through my coaching programmes I am often faced with teens that have no idea what they want to do or what they are good at. They have no motivation, no hope and sometimes I see my job as just doing that, just giving them hope. Just showing them they have a gift, that is all I can do.

That is what I do differently. I look for the gift in each teen that comes my way – my overriding concern over anything else is to make them see that they have a gift, something special and this is so important that it has become a critical part of all my programmes.

I remember one teen that I dealt with as a police officer, a cocaine addict and by all accounts pretty much beyond repair. I just kept asking him, “What can you teach the world?” In three months he was off cocaine and teaching public school boys of its dangers, so if it can work with him, imagine the possibilities in your home!

So how do I look for the gift?

• Think about the young person and what you find negative about them. Challenge yourself to turn it into a positive i.e. “You talk a lot,” changes to “Look how sociable you are.”

• Ask yourself – what gift is this young person is giving you? Challenge yourself to learn something from them and share with them what they are teaching you.

• Look at the young person and their experiences and ask what can you teach others about this? For example I currently have a client whose Mother has cancer. This teenage girl is starting to write down her experiences to share with others.

• Use assessment tools to help you discover this young person’s hidden gift. I love the Enneagram

• Challenge yourself to look through their hard exterior and into their soul. What does your spirit see in their spirit? Tell them.

Now I am not saying this is easy – it is a challenge. You have to stand there without judgment, without expectation, and see another human being who has a part inside that wants to help add to the world and make it a better place. If you cannot see it, it does not mean it is not there. Remember it is never about them and always about you. Put your stuff to the side and look with different eyes, even if just for a moment.

So instead of thinking how difficult they are or can be and how much they are driving your insane during the holidays, start to see this time as an adventure a time for discovery and get curious!