Relationship vs. Measurement

“What students lack in school is an intellectual relationship or conversation with the teacher”.
William Glasser

I have to say that I love this quote and for me, it is the answer to everything when it come to education. A good relationship can heal a lot. Don’t you remember working for the teachers you liked and not for the ones you didn’t? It’s human nature.

However, for most schools this appears to be the last thing on the agenda. Don’t get me wrong, I am not blaming the schools or the teachers, the problem is the system, a system that put measurement above relationships.

I believe that relationships are the key to any long-lasting change. If we want to influence and impact the next generation then we must ensure that we build our relationships with them over anything else.

Relationships vs Measurement in Schools

It is so easy for us to focus on measurement, behaviour and attitude. So easy for us to look outside and blame a young person for a result that we find undesirable. It a takes a strong, courageous person to look inside and say, “What am I doing that is not allowing this person to shine?”

Our interactions should not be based on how to get this person to do what you want but by asking whether what you are about to do is going to harm or damage the relationship.

To influence a young person we must be in what is known as a sphere of influence. As a teacher, a parent or employer, we need to be in this sphere if we are to effect any change and support this young person to be who we know they can be. We can only do this if we have a strong relationship with them.

A strong relationship can do ten times more than any rewards or punishment can.

Our relationship with them should be based upon seeing a real human being and all the potential within, not just what they do. We should see the qualities in them and not just the behaviour in front of us. These relationships must be based on trust, understanding and equality. So often, adult/young person relationships are based on the adult having power, no trust and the adult having little understanding. How can we expect our young people to grow up as conscious, giving citizens if we treat them with mistrust and contempt?

Change only happens when someone cares enough about themselves and others to want to change.

And that can only happen when we care about a young person more than they hate themselves. We show this by putting the relationship with them above all else.

So what can you do in your school with your students to put the relationship before any measurement?

I would love to hear your ideas….

Vanessa Van Patten gives advice

Here is an exert from a  recent blog post by one of mu favourite bloggers. I love the way she is so honest and open in all the she writes.

Thanks Vanessa for inspiring others.

I officially started my company 2 years ago on my graduation day from Emory University, May 9, 2007. Here is what I have learned

1) Just because you can do it, doesn’t mean you should do it.

I am very grateful for the advice I get in my informational interviews with experts and other entrepreneurs, but I often hear, “why don’t you…” And I have, a lot. But, what I realized is, just because you can do something, does not mean you should do something. You must love doing it, if you just ‘can’ and you don’t ‘love’ it will probably not be successful, you will dread it, you will worry about it and it will take you away from things you do love.

Example: Everyone keeps telling me I should do a podcast/radioshow. They have been telling me for two years. “It will be such a great accompaniment to your blog!” “You are so good at talking, you should do it” I prefer to listen than to read, I wish you had some kind of an audio recording.” Finally a few months ago, I tried. Well, I barely tried. I started, looked into getting a channel on iTunes, got a professional mic and made a little intro on Garage Band. I recorded one. In all honesty, it sucked. It sucked (I knew it and a very honest friend told me so) and I hated it. I realized then and there, just because I can, does not mean I should.

2) Just because it makes money, doesn’t mean you should do it.

I found a pretty successful model to make money this year that involved training tutors to work with private families. This is successful and my families benefit, my tutors benefit and I benefit. But, it is not what I love. I love to write. This unfortunately bends the rule on above that if you do not like something it probably won’t do well. I almost wish this part of my business was less successful because over the past year, I followed the money, not my dreams. On my first week-long vacation in a long time over my birthday, I realized that I had my first good night’s sleep in months. I also realized it was the first time I had time to write in 8 months because I was not seeing clients. I love my clients, but because of our very long waitlist, I had given up my time for what I was truly passionate about, and my sleep. I realized it was not worth it. So I…

Read Wisdom from a young entrepreneur

Is it all gloom and doom for the class of 2009?

Some economists believe that the number of under-25s out of work will rise to above 1 million when the class of 2009 graduates next month. The Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development (CIPD) said recently that nearly 50% of employers it surveyed were not planning to recruit school leavers or graduates this summer.

The tide is definitely turning for our young people and it is yet to be seen how this will affect them. If they react like Generation X in the 80’s, then we may be in for increased drug use, crime levels and rebellious behaviour. The 80’s youth is said to have given youth a bad name by some, that other generations had to fix. This behaviour ended up with them being known as the lost generation and it looks like our Gen Y and Z could be coming to an end as the hero generation. David Blanchflower is warning that a million young people could now become lost in the system.

And the worrying thing is that studies have shown that a prolonged spell of unemployment for those just entering the labour market leaves deep, even permanent, scars. Young people have had a really difficult time over the past five years. They were squeezed out of the property market during the boom and now cannot get on the property ladder because of mortgage rates. They were the first group of people to pay tuition fees and now they are coming out of university to discover that there are hardly any jobs out there.

So as a parent, what do you do?

Well, I think we have to become creative and not give up hope. Don’t let the doom and gloom get you. Just because they may not be able to get a job in their chosen career does not mean they have to stop doing it.

• Is there a way they could volunteer and get experience?
• Are there any internships they could get?
• Is there another way they could get their experience out there, for example, blogging for people?
• Is there another way they could get paid for their expertise, other than a job?

The whole point here is for them not to give up and give in. Nowadays, the Internet can help young people get themselves out in front of prospective people with ease. Visit Dan Schawbel’s site for more information and get a copy of Me 2.0 for them.

Most of all, make it clear to them that sitting around all day is not OK with you. If you cannot motivate them, take a look at this e-book...

Help! My teenager will not make any decisions about their future

Read is it all doom and glomm for the class of 2009?